there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
