i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
