Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
