I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
