Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
