I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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