living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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