You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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