The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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