So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone came in the potted fern
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wear drunk well.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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