the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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