It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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