Where did you get a picture of my penis
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
