you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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