We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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