Im at strip club and am horny
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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