im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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