So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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