We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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