You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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