Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
