Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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