i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
