my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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