Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
