i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
