Jerry, you need to find god
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
