well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
