dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
