I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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