it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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