6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
