I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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