Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
