Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
