You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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