Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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