Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
