Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Panties = found
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
