that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
