cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
