you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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