the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have post one night stand depression
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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