I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
