ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
