I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
