Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
