dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
