this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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