i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
