He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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