I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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